The goal of the client centered
counsellor is to "re-permission the
child", and so we are always seeking to gain the trust of
the inner child of the client, as a means to get close to them,
to let them feel safe enough to admit their truth, and feel the
accompanying feelings.
This
is never more poignant than in the case of NS types, who hold themselves
aloof from admitting just how sad and lonely their inner child is,
and how desperately it wants to be small and helpless, and have
someone else take care of it. Helplessness is a big no no for these
people, as it was seen as weakness when they were small, and they
consider it weakness in others in their adult life. Helping the
client to see that this is not the case, is a major point of growth
for them, and opens the doors for them to let go of many overly
responsible attitudes, and behaviours, with which they attempt to
get loved.
They are usually still seeking the recognition
they didn't get from Father, and when they can see that this will
probably never come to them (especially since he's often dead and
gone), they are enabled to begin to release the accompanying behaviours.
When working with creative visualisation
tools the image of the wall is the one for NS, so in meditation
getting them to imagine their wall... what does I look like& what's
it made of...how high is it etc., and find a way of dismantling
it, climbing over it, dissolving it or any other spontaneous manner
come out from behind it, is very empowering and healing for the
client. In other words helping them to realise that they don't need
it to separate themselves from the normal human experiences and
frailties is the point.
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The wall is also a metaphor for protection,
so sometimes assuring the client that they can return behind
their wall when they need to and that's OK. Or if they choose
to leave it behind ask them to bless their wall and thank it
for keeping them safe up until they felt safe enough to be in
the world without it!
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The fear of success/fear
of failure tape, is most interesting here, as few NS types
realise they are caught up in this tape, or just how much
it is running their lives. It goes like this... |
"If I make it, then that's a problem
because I have to maintain the success... and if I don't make
it then I'm a failure". So it's a no win situation, because
both positions are fraught with pressure. The point in counselling
is to help them to see that they don't have to "make
it" to prove their right to exist, and that they are
not a failure if they don't.
Regardless of "making
it", these types are conscientious, stable, loyal and
hard working people, who love to work at a meaningful vocation,
to which they bring a wealth of organisation and management
skills. If they can learn to lighten up, have fun, and not disempower
others by taking care of their business too, they may heal into
their wholistic potential, and integrate their life lessons
along the way.
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